Okay, if we're telling the truth, I'm a white girl. This means that, A: I cannot spit any type of rhyme, B: I sound stupid when I try, and C: I of course try anyway.
Tonight was round 2 of my friend's birthday celebration. I decided that, since I got a little saucy during round 1 (thanks Captain Morgan), I would lay off the booze for this one. I had a few beers, not gunna lie to ya, but stopped shortly after 1 AM. By 2 AM, we were in a full out rap battle.
WHAT! A RAP BATTLE?!
I go inside for 3 minutes to pee and steal some pistacios out of the kitchen and this is what happens?!
Little did I know that I was going to be put on the spot. Literally, the spot light on me. So, what did I do? I ran into the kitchen, grabbed a pen and paper, and started working on some beats.
AND I NAILED IT!
LOL, JK. I failed.
My friend's older brother and our black friend Maya (the inspiration for the rapping, btw), were heating and treating me. Seriously, burned.
Everytime I tried to rap, I sounded like a little white girl named Sally. Seriously, I must have had them laughing AT me, not WITH me.
See, the thing is, I write POETRY. But, didn't Tupac write that shit too? Yes, he surely did. So I thought up some Gary Soto, Shakespeare, and Poe, and made my own rhymes in my head.
So, while we rapped and rapped away, I continuously turned down my time to shine and thought of something to rap to. This is what I came up with...
"I'm a dumb little white girl who can't spit a beat. The gift of rhyming was surely not given to me. I'm too well manned, always say 'Thank you and Please'. I wash my white hands before I eat. Brush my teeth before I go to bed, I'm not a ho, don't get on my knees and give head. Okay, maybe once in a while, but shit, don't judge. I got my girl Maya over there, she's black, she's a thug"
Oh yeah, I rapped that. Hardcore bitches.
HAHAHAHA.
It was actually pretty tight. Everyone was like "damn girl, see you gotta do that more".
No, actually I don't have to do that anymore, because that's all I could think of.
Everyone kept going on their way, rapping to the new beats that were being played. And time after
mother fucking time, they looked towards me to pick it up.
Did you not hear my first rap? I said I'm a dumb white girl, not Nicki Minaj.
Needless to say, I didn't rap again tonight...well, actually this morning. If we're being honest, a few more beers down and I would have been going crazy. But, thank you self control, I stayed quiet and sober for the night.
& That, is my awkward moment.
